May 20, 2012 at 9:44 pm
Welcome to JB Air’s flight 347 from DC to LA.
We’ll begin boarding in a moment. Please look at your ticket to see which group you’re in as we begin our boarding procedure. Armed forces personnel in uniform, please feel free to board early.
Next, public school teachers, particularly those from low-income districts, please come aboard—right this way, down our red carpet.
Next, any members of the Occupy Wall St movement, with preferential seating for the original Zuccotti park group. Red carpet for you too.
Next, any parent who’s going to community college while holding down a job, please enjoy early boarding. Also, factory workers who’ve been displaced due to international trade. Finally, we’d like to ask all single moms to board early as well.
Oh, and any progressive, Keynesian economists, you’re also welcome to board now, along with any rank-and-file members of labor unions and the rest of the bottom 99%.
OK, the rest of you sit tight until these privileged and highly valued customers have boarded and taken up all the overhead space, and we’ve had a chance to give them those warm little towels and serve them complementary drinks.
OK, I guess we have to board the rest of you lot—you’ll have to check your bags…we can’t guarantee where they’ll end up.
Wait a minute…a few exceptions: anyone in the top 1% who supports tax cuts for the rich paid for by spending cuts on the poor, any supply-side economists, anyone supporting voucher programs for Medicare or private accounts for Social Security, I’m afraid we won’t be able to accommodate you on this flight…or the next one…or the one after that.
To everyone else, thank you for flying JB Air and have a pleasant flight!
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