That’s my advice, over at the NYT’s Economix blog.

If Mr. Bernanke continues to feel compelled to speak out, he should do so in Zen terms, emulating more the “I Ching” than monetary textbooks.  Some suggestions:

On tapering: “Though the rains have led to a rich bounty, they must cease and allow the sun to naturally warm the fields.”

On rate increases: “That which was down, must eventually be up.  Bounds of zero must become unbound.”

On incoming data: “The wise man follows the path.  Though the path is unknown today, it will be revealed tomorrow … and then there’s revisions, of course.”

Challenge to commentors: add your own Zen phrase that Ben should utter to calm the jittery, unenlightened markets.  I’ll run the results in a few days.

As usual, the Onion was way ahead on this strategy: here’s a 2008 article titled: “Asian Markets Fall Like Cherry Blossoms In Gentle Spring Rain.”  Note the brilliant haikus sprinkled like soy sauce on my tuna roll throughout the piece.

Sony failed to provide confidence in a market already as skittish as the aging husband of a teenage bride, forcing investors to shore up cash reserves with orders of durable goods and agricultural products. “Fading dollar’s gleam, a feeble warning beacon: Seek bellies of pork.