Republican Offers Most Ambitious Budget Plan Yet

July 17th, 2011 at 8:18 pm

On a day when Senator Tom Coburn (R-Ok) raised eyebrows in DC by proposing an unprecedented $9 trillion deficit reduction package, Rep Larry Slumpus (R-Ga) stole the spotlight back with a budget plan to cut the deficit by $75 trillion over the next 2 years.

“Coburn’s a piker…I saw ‘em and I raised ‘em!” said the congressman today at the press conference announcing his plan.

At a moment when such plans abound in Washington, Rep Slumpus’ plan is drawing considerable attention due to its sheer magnitude.

When it was pointed out to the Congressman that his proposed cuts were larger than combined values of the budget deficit, the total spending of the federal government, and the US economy, Slumpy, as he’s fondly called in his district, was undeterred.

“That’s right.  I’ve got the biggest!…plan, that is…”

Rep Slumpus touted the balance in his plan, noting that he while he doesn’t close the corporate jet loophole that President Obama has been inveighing against, he does introduce a voluntary measure wherein private jet owners can choose to revert back to same depreciation schedule as commercial jets.

“I just think that in a plan that eliminates not just government spending, but that of American households as well, there should be some shared sacrifice,” said Slumpus.

Asked whether even a voluntary tax increase violated his pledge, anti-tax advocate Grover Norquist was unequivocal.  “Of course it does.  What if some nut decides to pay it?  That’s a clear violation and will not be tolerated.”

Pressed on the point that $75 trillion far surpasses government spending over the time period of his bill, Slumpus pushed back with a unique aspect of his plan, one not yet seen in the bevy of fiscal reforms coming out of Washington.

“That’s only a problem if you limit the cuts to the US.  My ambitious plan calls for France to make some deep cuts as well, something that’s very important to the American people.  I hear this all the time from my constituents, who definitely do not want responsible budget policy to arbitrarily stop at our borders.”

Analysis by the Congressional Budget Office shows that Slumpus plan does succeed in reducing the debt as a share of GDP from its current level of 70% to 0.003%, which the CBO described as “statistically indistinguishable from zero.”  The agency noted that the plan achieved this historic ratio of debt to GDP by wiping out both debt and GDP.

House Republicans were generally supportive.  “The tax increase is, of course, a non-starter, but the fact that it’s voluntary is a creative touch, as is that part about France,” said Republican majority leader Eric Cantor (R-Va).

Democrats asked for more time to study the proposal, though members expressed concern about the impact of such large cuts on the fragile economy.

“What economy?” countered Rep Slumpus.  “My plan gets rid of that too!”

Print Friendly, PDF & Email

6 comments in reply to "Republican Offers Most Ambitious Budget Plan Yet"

  1. Concerned says:

    That is really funny. It’s riduculousness is actually commensurate with the Republican buffoonery the country’s being forced to witness. Crap, I just talked myself out of the light-hearted moment this post gave.


  2. readerOfTeaLeaves says:

    Cantor needs to get with the program and get back to eating his Freedom Fries and forget all things… ‘French’, if you know what I mean.

    And apparently Murdock is a bit tied up at the moment, so Slumpus may have to wait a few weeks to try and negotiate a deal to get the time slot following Palin on that Fox Network cash cow. No need to worry about being taxed for his future Fox wealth, he can just have News Corp offshore it through tax havens, like they do with the rest of their wealth.


  3. John says:

    Step away from the keyboard, Bernstein…

    Republicans don’t get sarcasm anyway – this will only get you in trouble.

    They’ll be talking about you slandering Slumpy tomorrow morning on Fox News, instead of … you know … what they’re not talking about on Fox News…


  4. Jeff H says:

    It’s funny, because it true 😉


  5. Tired of Right-Wing-Enabling-Pseudo-Left-Wingers says:

    You need to have a SATIRE warning.

    Or surely some cracker is going to take you seriously.

    … and then Obama will have to meet them halfway…


  6. Peter Korman says:

    “Slumpus.” A topic on which you and this administration have proven expertise. That said, please stop picking on Georgia where the State has corrected it’s budget deficit. Illinois, another topic you know quite well, would be a much more appropriate setting for satire.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.